This morning, 6ish or so, looking out the window, gave me pause to reflect. The people I saw going about their business seemed certain of where they were going and what they were doing, from postman through jogger to dog walker. My own life seems somewhat adrift. I am not certain of my role. This probably has something to do with spending three days a week on haemo-dialysis. The story is more complex though: a familial cancer, thankfully for the most part non malignant. The role I can claim, as so many can, and despite my lack of certainty this morning, is that of survivor. But why do I survive? The answer is people. I survive because of my love for other people.

I reflect further. I am 45 years old. I did not expect to be here. But I am,  no matter how battered. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Sounds dramatic but for me it’s not about being the physical super hero of hollywood. The mountains I climb and the marathons I run are daily occurrences:  walking a hundred yards, writing a blog or cooking a meal. This blog is important to me. I hope others find something in its words.  As Socrates put it an unexamined life isn’t worth living. Here I’ll examine mine, from who I am to what I think. And I’ll do this from my hospital bed. It could be a painful journey. Join me on it.

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